Over the last few months at R-W, we have engaged in learning about the diverse needs and abilities we all have and why we need them all to be a Christian community. Mobility and learning differences, as well as some chronic and mental illnesses, are not always visible to others’ eyes or ears. We can easily assume that someone who looks, walks or talks like us has the same needs and abilities that we do.
I wanted to collect a list of things we can do to encourage everyone to be themselves but also allows us to honour the different needs we bring. I asked ministry colleagues from across Canada who have differences in health, learning and abilities – that not noticeable to the naked eye – about how their congregations and families support them to be their best selves and do great ministry. I think these are great things that apply to how we treat everyone!
Assume best intentions!
Trust when they limit their time, energy or ask for accommodations for their needs. You may not be able to see their symptoms or needs. Trust they are limiting one activity or perhaps their hours one week to ensure they can be there for you in the future.
Trust when they say their condition can change day to day, even hour to hour. Different environments can change how someone hears, reads, does simple tasks. How much background noise is there? Are you in a private or public space? What kind of lighting is being used? Others changes can be due to last night’s sleep, barometric pressure and a hundred of other things.
Be assured: they will try their best even if it looks different each day.
Examples from my colleagues:
My best looks differently depending on how I feel that day. Sometimes I can only serve you in a 6-hour day and next week it will be to do two 10-hour days.
My best looks differently depending on how well the room we are in is lit. I may need to cut one meeting short, to ensure I am able to go to another meeting that evening.
Do you wish to accept me as I am? Then be in relationship with me no matter how the day is going, adjust environment when you can and trust my best is my best.
Ask me to do things and trust that I know my abilities enough to decide if I can say yes.
Ask open ended questions to learn more about them or to ask how you can support them.
Respect their answers including:
I can’t help you today. Please do not negate their reality by asking them to “try harder” or “put their chin up.” Understand they may need to cancel something non-emergent to ensure they will be ready for anything emergent that arises.
I am not ready to share more! Please remember that the choice of what to share with who is personal to the individual sharing – not the listener!
I may look different day to day – tired, slow moving or excited and efficient; using a cane one day and not the next. “Please do not comment on my appearance but rather my abilities and ministry.” One colleague wrote about the difference it makes when a congregation recognizes “that me doing less than others or doing things slowly is not laziness – I’m working hard to overcome pain and other obstacles”
Ask how you can help in tangible ways
“For those who love to cook, a meal made for my family when I have two funerals in one week is a great gift!”
“It is always good to find one or two people to share our condition with in our faith community so that on those days we cannot be physically present, we have an advocate not to share details but to share their faith in my abilities.”
May we all live out our best lives by respecting and trusting one another and asking for the support we need!